Stages of a Fight:
Offense
Escalation
De-Esclation
Stabilization
Repair
There is a direct correlation to the severity of a fight in regards to two factors.
1. How often does the offense reoccur.
If your conflicts are happening about the same issue over and over again, chances are the fights are going to be more difficult to overcome. The overwhelming majority of conflict in relationships is perpetual. It’s way more important to process the perpetual conflict together as a team than it is to find a solution or a fix to the problem.
2. How much damage is done in the escalation stage?
We all have a choice in how we’re going to respond to an offense (or in how our partner responds to an offense). Limit the damage (yelling, name calling, contempt, stone walling, etc) and the repairs will be far easier.
Lastly. Most fights become worse because of a 2nd offense. Our natural reaction to pain usually creates another offense. We hurt the other person (with words, yelling, etc) to show how badly we hurt. The challenge then becomes what offense do we focus on first?
